i want a late night adventure. i want someone to call me up and say, “i’m outside. let’s go do something!” i want to go out late at night in my pj’s and my hair all tied up. maybe drive around. go to a park and just swing on the swings. maybe sit in the grass and watch the stars or maybe go to a 24 hour food place and pig out. i just want a late night adventure with people i like to be around. no drama. nothing but good vibes and good company.
I’m really nervous about graduating. I guess because as much as I hated everyone in my class, there were still those handful of people that made it worth it. Of course I going to miss my friends.. And of course I do still want to get the hell of there. I want to start my life. My career. See we’re I end up, how far I go. But the worry for me is. What if I don’t go far? What if I don’t get anywhere? What if I don’t become anyone? I’m trying my hardest not to think about it now. I really am. But high school was the reason I woke up every morning. Even if I didn’t want to. I had to. When the night before I had an episode I knew I had to get myself together for school the next day. High school saved my life. My friends saved my life. I have depended on high school and people so much. So much that when I leave, I won’t have that constant reminder on why I need to be alive the next morning. I’m just afraid that when I get bad again, when I cut again, when I get dark again I won’t have those people to distract me.
I hope I can deal with the world out there, I really do hope so.
